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Post by netsaver on Mar 25, 2007 14:31:26 GMT -6
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Post by Banov on Mar 25, 2007 20:08:49 GMT -6
Hmmm, I'll take notes as I read...
~No exclamation points makes for a rather unemotional and dull read, at least int eh beginning when you had none.
~Word art shouldn't be used to make your little sound effects.
~It's difficult to tell what the hell the pokemon are doing in battle without the trainer's constant stating of what's going on- all you do is make them blurry.
~The dialogue is really bogged down without the contractions. Use I'm instead of I am.
~Why does Jalen need two pokemon to enter when he only uses one?
All in all, it's all right, but it doesn't stand out from the dozens of other pokemon comics. It is o decidedly average quality... you have the makings of what may be something good, but you need to work hard to separate yourself from everyone else.
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Post by lukaskirkby on Mar 26, 2007 0:26:18 GMT -6
Cover - A bit boring, but people will click on it to read more. Pizza, Anyone - It's alright I suppose. Nothing major for a first episode, but I suppose it's only the intro. Town, etc - Still the introduction. Still not very interesting. You could have joined this one with the previous episode to make an Introductory episode. Chapter 1 Cover - Hopefully we will be able to see a storyline appearing in this chapter. Paul v Jalen - The moves are a bit shoddy. I suggest using the real battle scenes. I can get you some if you want. And I don't see a storyline either. Good old etc - I suppose theres a sorta storyline coming with this one, and a slight cliffhanger. It shows improvement. She wants etc - Nothing really happens here, apart from a cliche joke. I needed etc - meh, it's a storyline for the next episode, probably a battle. Evee v Magikarp - The quick effects are good, but I still think you should use proper battle scenes for these type of things. Tough Magikarp - You didn't have to do this episode to be honest, you just make work for yourself. Lets try again - Yeah he caught it. Try to get a better word art though, or change the colour of the one your using. Jalen Caught a Magikarp - This was an ok episode. Nothing wrong with it. The magikarps a bit cliche though. Chapter 2 cover - It's a nice cover, but still room for something else. Tammy, etc - A good episode, sets the scene nicely. Well done. First Appeal - The effects on this were pretty good, well done, and the storyline is progressing. Rainbow Diamonds - Good effects again, well done. Well etc - Saves a load of episodes, and again good effects. Jalens appeal - Great again, but you could of made this episode a cliffhanger. At least Jalen isn't a mary-sue.
Yeah, this comics got potential. Needs a lot of work on it, and I think you should use battle scenes, which as I said, I can get for you. Good luck with the rest of it, and I'll probably read more as it comes.
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Post by daveshn on Mar 26, 2007 14:43:31 GMT -6
It seems to be lacking in jokes. I do like the original storyline.
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Post by netsaver on Mar 26, 2007 14:51:52 GMT -6
Thanks for the feedback. It is actually some good critism. Unlike most people telling me it is good. You guys are what is going to make this comic even better. Now to ask and answer soem questions. Question: Why does Jalen need two pokemon to enter? Answer: I am trying to make it more like the anime and not the game. Plus it adds more of a variety to the comic. Kind of like when May and Ash had to use pikachu/eevee and then sceptile/blaziken. So you won't see the same thing over again. My question: What do you mean by proper battle scenes? What other things do I need to work on. I am trying to do the best I can do on this comic. Mostly trying to reach Recon's rank with his comic. Which will never really happen. Here is an update for today. I tried to use the pokemon font on the panels. Did it work out? Should I use the regular font or continue using this one? www.drunkduck.com/Pokemon_Adventure_Version/
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Post by Banov on Mar 26, 2007 17:14:22 GMT -6
Proper battle scenes isn't necessary, ddon't bother trying to get them- without using the battle scenes you open yourself up to environmwntal hazards and other such things. On the other hand, it can make the battle feel crasmped when two trainers are battling in an enclosed area- but if you just write while keeping that in mind then we should never have to think about it.
As for your latest comic...
The new font is not very good, I would pick a different one. It's too difficult to read. As for the content, I now see why you'd have broughtin magikarp- I didn't know there was more than one round, I thought that after eevee's one appeal it would be over. Now the two pokemon make much more sense.
So far so good, keep it up!
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Post by lukaskirkby on Mar 27, 2007 0:58:58 GMT -6
the origonal font was a lot better. It was a good episode though, it moves along the storyline. Perhaps you should use the font you used for this page for effects, like 'ding' and 'zoom' and stuff like that. But yeah, good luck with the next comic.
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Post by netsaver on Mar 27, 2007 15:04:22 GMT -6
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Post by lukaskirkby on Mar 28, 2007 0:37:56 GMT -6
Yeah, this one was a bit weird. I got what the main jist of it was about the third time I read it, but oh well. The sandstorm effect was good, and the thing was good too. And it's a good idea to use the pokemon font for those purposes.
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Post by Banov on Mar 28, 2007 11:02:52 GMT -6
Eevee can use sandstorm? Hm. I wouldn't have thought so...
What exactly do you have in mind for what Eevee can do? Because so far it's been shown using three or so very rare TMs. How did Jalen get all of these rare TMs?
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Post by netsaver on Mar 28, 2007 12:48:50 GMT -6
Lets just say that Jalen and his friends have been in the town for a long time. They have never thought of leaving the town. They just sit there and await a battle and they have to use specific moves to beat specific opponents. Here is an early update, because I had an early dismissal. www.drunkduck.com/Pokemon_Adventure_Version/
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Post by Banov on Mar 28, 2007 14:04:00 GMT -6
<3
I officially love your comic. Kecleon > Everything.
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Post by lukaskirkby on Mar 28, 2007 14:20:06 GMT -6
Yeah, moves the storyline along. Pretty well made, well done.
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Post by netsaver on Mar 28, 2007 14:33:59 GMT -6
I had a Kecleon planned from the beginning. I didn't know it was going to help move the plot a long, though.
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Post by netsaver on Mar 29, 2007 14:53:32 GMT -6
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