Post by Nintendoowned on Apr 25, 2011 4:10:12 GMT -6
I wrote this on facebook on easter. Maybe you guys will enjoy it:
Happy Easter everyone. I would like to take a moment amongst all the chocolate gorging to share with you the true meaning of this eventful holiday. It is now the anniversary of the reanimation of Zombie Jesus. As said by John, in the bible; "He died for your sins. Now He's back for your brains." Do not forget that in zombie form, Jesus retained His unending love for mankind, in particular, He loved their sweet, delectable brains.
I wish to explain what it is He taught us by rising from the dead; Zombie Jesus' words and acts are recorded in one of the apocryphal books (books which were not included in the New Testament by the Catholic Church), the "Book of Brains". The most famous part of the "Book of Brains" is the "Parable of the Brains", in which Zombie Jesus spoke unto the assembled masses: "Braaaiiins.... braaaiiinnnss... braaaaiinss!!"
With this, as well as the various other teaching of Zombie Jesus (ie. the phrase: "turn the other cheek so I can eat the other side of your brains!") as the basis in which this day is dedicated to, we should all be glad that Zombie Jesus was finally defeated in 1369 AD by a priest tricking Him into eating the bread, which is theoretically his body, and therefore effectively making him eat himself so as to cause him to turn into a puff of pink brain-smoke.
Of course, as the Bible states, "Zombie Jesus lives in all of our hearts." ...or that the inhalation of said formerly undead savior will cause breathing complications.
So with this on our deliciously succulent minds, we shall celebrate this day by sharing chocolate amongst our peoples, as it symbolises the delicious taste of flesh He nom-nom'd whilst walking among us. Never forget what this day truly means.
Happy Easter everyone. I would like to take a moment amongst all the chocolate gorging to share with you the true meaning of this eventful holiday. It is now the anniversary of the reanimation of Zombie Jesus. As said by John, in the bible; "He died for your sins. Now He's back for your brains." Do not forget that in zombie form, Jesus retained His unending love for mankind, in particular, He loved their sweet, delectable brains.
I wish to explain what it is He taught us by rising from the dead; Zombie Jesus' words and acts are recorded in one of the apocryphal books (books which were not included in the New Testament by the Catholic Church), the "Book of Brains". The most famous part of the "Book of Brains" is the "Parable of the Brains", in which Zombie Jesus spoke unto the assembled masses: "Braaaiiins.... braaaiiinnnss... braaaaiinss!!"
With this, as well as the various other teaching of Zombie Jesus (ie. the phrase: "turn the other cheek so I can eat the other side of your brains!") as the basis in which this day is dedicated to, we should all be glad that Zombie Jesus was finally defeated in 1369 AD by a priest tricking Him into eating the bread, which is theoretically his body, and therefore effectively making him eat himself so as to cause him to turn into a puff of pink brain-smoke.
Of course, as the Bible states, "Zombie Jesus lives in all of our hearts." ...or that the inhalation of said formerly undead savior will cause breathing complications.
So with this on our deliciously succulent minds, we shall celebrate this day by sharing chocolate amongst our peoples, as it symbolises the delicious taste of flesh He nom-nom'd whilst walking among us. Never forget what this day truly means.